The Love of My Life!

Ava Rose, the newest LOVE of my Life! :) (Don't worry Matthew there is enough room for the two of you! )

Time

Wow, sometimes I can't believe that I've been back in Winnsboro for 6 months...its seems like just yesterday I was scrambling around trying to finish my last month of my senior year at Tech in the span of 3 days. I'm sitting here at the moment trying to wrap my brain around the fact that in the matter of months my whole world from the way I perceive myself to the way I conduct myself have changed all because of one person's decisions. I'm finding myself having to reconstruct a confidence that I've always had from the ground up and having to deal with the insecurities that come with that loss of confidence. I feel awkward and strange sometimes like the whole foundation of my life has been swept away. Not to get this confused with my foundation of faith in God but the foundation of which all my dreams and aspirations mirrored.

Kasey

Trying not to worry.

I'm seriously trying to rein in my worry right now, I worry about work, future, school, jobs, money, wedding, retarded fathers and more. I just can't seem to stop. Sometimes I feel like this huge wave of stress and worry is just going to swallow me up. The stress of not knowing what is going on or how things will work after the wedding is probably a main point for me. I'm so used to planning things out, knowing what is going to happen, where I will be and I don't know ANY of that! How is one supposed to function?! Right now it almost seems impossible, I'm getting tired of telling myself just take one day at a time because I want to know a plan of action. Patience as you can tell is not one of my virtues.

Samson

As you all know I am a sucker for animals, and I find myself yet again caring for another sick/abandoned creature! This time however, I find myself nursing a 8 to 9 week old Corgi puppy, who we have now named Samson. Samson was found at Ronnie's on Saturday barely alive from some still unknown sickness (we should know by this afternoon). Ronnie couldn't get him to eat, drink or move so I asked him if I could take him home with me knowing that at least I could give him a nice, comfortable place to die. Unable to just simply let him starve to death while in my charge I started making up a sweet and very sticky concoction of milk and honey in which with my help Samson slurped up. He was so weak that I had to hold his head up for him with my fingers under his chin so that he could lick at the milk instead of drowned in it. Saturday and Sunday both continued much the same with him slowly trying to gain strength back. Sunday afternoon we had some what of a break through, the little guy began walking around the room and actively looking for his milk bowl.

This morning; however. found Samson toddling about the room howling and barking his protest at being left alone. He is now at the vet this morning and we are hoping to get a positive prognosis. If all goes well he will be looking for a nice home after he has gained some weight and confidence.

If anyone out there is interested in our little fluff ball please let me know! (I will post pictures of him this afternoon) Matthew and I are unable to keep him due to the fact that we already have two Corgis and can't take on anymore animals.

Hopefully Yours,
Kasey

Wool Soakers

Many of you might be wondering what these are...I know I was when Kelly first mentioned them to me. Basically they are knitted diaper covers made out of 100% wool that allows them to soak up anything the diaper might not catch without feeling wet! So cool right?!

So anyways I've set out to make some for my sister, my first attempt didn't turn out quite the way I figured it would, meaning I totally didn't think about the fact that once I washed the soaker it would shrink. So now I have this adorable soaker that is literally the perfect size a baby doll. So I've now started my second one and am following a free pattern off the internet! The new one is going to be two colors this time instead of one and should be big enough that once felted it should be the perfect size for a real baby this time!

Here is a picture of my first attempt:

Wish me luck on the next one!!!

Love,

Kasey

Fall Feelings

Fall always has a way of making me feel happy, the colors, the weather and the family gatherings that are right around the corner. It makes me want to get in the kitchen and cook, bake and make hot chocolate. It makes me want to snuggle up on the couch with a good book and a fuzzy Corgi foot warmer.

Pumpkins are starting to make their appearance, light coats and shawls adorn peoples' shoulders on the first cool days, and the first leaves are starting to fade to oranges, reds, yellows, and browns. What was once lush and green will soon turn the world into a rich, and warm colored place contrasting the cool in the air.

Fall, its the wonderful season of change.

Trying to Cope

5 months, more than that actually since I found out the hard truth that my dad has lost himself. Truly, in the sense that he doesn't know who, what, or why he is doing what he is doing. I mean lets be honest, we all know who, but what no one, not even himself can figure out is to what purpose he is doing this and why?! As I try to wrap my brain around all these questions that are bouncing around in my head I can't help but feel helpless. I have no power, no influence, and no say in what he does with his life and how he keeps crushing my family with his selfishness. Where is the end in all this pain? Does it go away, do we just continue to live our lives with this huge gaping whole he left in the middle of our family? Does time really heal something that should never have happened in the first place?

Every day, every hour, every minute, down to every second that he misses a little more of myself feels damaged, confused, and burning with, hate?, pain?, or loss? I honestly can't say, but my heart feels on fire, sometimes I feel like I'm going to burn from the inside out. There are times that even the blood running through my veins feels on fire and the confusion is almost crippling.

I see my family hurting, tears burning their cheeks and I feel helpless standing there knowing that there is nothing I can say or do to make the pain go away. I want so badly to make this go away for them, I want so badly to be able to change this.

I'm writing this not to hurt anyone or to worry them, I'm writing this to try to come to terms with what I'm feeling inside. I'm writing this because I can't do anything else. I'm writing this not as me giving up or not trusting in God but as an outlet for the pain and confusion I'm feeling right now.

Kasey

Working on a Saturday

About once a month I am drug out of my warm, cozy bed to come up to the bank to work the hideously early shift on Saturdays! There are no words that can make this acceptable when your sitting on the couch Friday night basking in the end of the week glow when "WHAM" you're hit with the cold fact that your week is not yet over! Even worse is that you realize too late that you've already stayed awake later thinking you would get to sleep in the next morning.

Ok, ok so it's not that bad....I'm being just a little whiny. A positive thing is that I do get paid for an extra day! :) (Money=smile)

Well I guess I should have first apologize for not having blogged in awhile and won't use the excuse of being busy because honestly it's more like being too lazy to take the time and blog.

I guess I should do a little catching up...as most of you know Matthew and I are still living in separate towns for the next year until the wedding but so far I've been lucky enough to at least get to see him once a month. He is home right now after taking summer courses and leaves on the 25th of August for Fall semester. :(

Wedding planning at the moment has kind of come to a halt due to the fact that the settlement has not been made. However we are trying to do as much as we can.

Working at the bank has been good and I'm thoroughly enjoying my time there, because of my position I don't have to stay in one place too long making the job more interesting. I'm even getting to work with my future mother-in-law! :D

What some of you might not know is that this Christmas I will be applying not to PTA school but to Nursing school. I am really excited and actually looking forward to school. :) Wish me luck in the application process and prayers would much appreciated!

Love,
Kasey

More Wedding...

OK guys sorry I know this is getting some what repetitive but I have more news on wedding planning.

Matthew and I visited Leslie today or known by us as "the Cake Lady." We have the basic designs and prices somewhat set which I was excited to find out that is less than we had budgeted! Significantly!

Also I have done a lot of browsing online for bridesmaid dresses and have quite a few picked out to try on and look at. I'm starting to really get excited about all the wedding planning despite the worry about money! So bridesmaids beware..lol you guys maybe trying on a couple of different dresses!

That's it for now!

Love,
Kasey

Hair or No Hair...

That is definitely the question I keep asking myself when I start thinking about all the money and time it takes to put a wedding together. Despite having a couple of the big things set, I've been trying to keep myself from having a panic attack when I think about Mom, Matthew, Linda and I trying to pay for this wedding. I keep having to remind myself that already we have saved a HUGE amount in not having to pay for the reception, rehearsal and ceremony sites! (whew!)

ALSO...we are saving by using tables from Matthew's church and my church (for free!) The big prices are photography which we already have booked, flowers and decorations, wedding gifts, music (which we have decided against the string quartet), Dress and Jewelry and food for both rehearsal and reception. I know I'm probably forgetting about something else...but that's shows you how fried my wires are right now! OH DUH the cakes! How could I forget those whopping price tags!

Just an update for those of you who care...Matthew comes in this Saturday and we have an appointment with the cake lady on Wednesday. (We're taste testing and hopefully designing) Then on Thursday we are hoping to get an appointment with a florist in Quitman. (keep your fingers crossed!)

So that is my life at this point not leaving out the fact that we now are the proud owners of 4 precious kittens! (no pictures yet...have to download them!)

Love,
Kasey

Missing Matthew..

Wow, ok so today is just one of those days that I really miss Matthew! And yes people I realize I just saw him this weekend and will get to see him on Saturday for a whole week but sometimes you just miss having your friend by your side. I miss having him crack jokes that make me roll my eyes and I even miss him purposefully trying to get on my nerves (in a funny way) because he likes to see me flustered. I miss everything about him and wish that May would hurry up and get here!

On a happier note, this is my last week to teach my GED classes, not that they have been bad but I will save a lot of gas not having to travel to Mt. Pleasant two days a week.

Also on an even more exciting note I was finally able to buy part of my bridesmaid's gifts and have a very good idea for what I'm going to give for guest favors! (Matthew, Kelly, Casey, Mom, Jess, Katie, Audra, Kadie..etc...sorry guys but I'll probably need your help) :)

Trying to Stay Positive,
Kasey

Wedding Planning

Planning a Wedding, not just any wedding but my own still seems to throw me for a loop. It seems crazy that after almost four years of dating Matthew and I are FINALLY getting to officially plan our wedding without rolling of eyes and sighs of un-understanding people. (Yes we realize, we're unique)

Prior to the beginning of the hard core planning I really didn't think that there was that much to really do...boy was I wrong. Although I have to admit that some of the hardest parts of the wedding planning are already coming together.

• Wedding Dress is ordered.
• Venue is set. (Both Reception and Ceremony)
• Photography is set. (Thanks to Kara Mercer)
• Music has been decided.
• Invitations are decided on.

Ok so maybe I'm being a little too optimistic...I still have a lot to do. I've been trying to start buying my Bridesmaid's gifts which I've already decided on. I now just have to buy and order them. (which is hard to do when you are spending half your paycheck on gas)

Still to do:

• Find a Florist
• Find Bridesmaid's dresses
• Find a Veil (I know what I want it to look like, finding it is the problem)
• Find a Caterer
• Rent chairs for ceremony and tables for reception.
• Wedding Cakes (know what I want just have to find someone to make it!)

...and the list goes on and on...what I wouldn't do to still be living in the same town as my Maid of Honor and 3 of my bridesmaids again! I miss being able to run things by them for their help and opinion.

A very busy but not stressed Bride-to-be :)

Working For Money

Wow so I am officially working two jobs now and never realized just how tiring it can be. The jobs themselves are great and aren't stressful or hard but at the end of the week I'm always feeling rather drained. I really enjoy the work I do at the First National Bank here in Winnsboro and would have to say that is my favorite of the two jobs, but I also really enjoy seeing my students at the Adult Education Center find confidence in everyday skills. I think the downfall for the GED classes is that I have to get up extra early in order to drive the 35 to 40 minutes to Mt. Pleasant on Monday and Wednesday. :) I never have been good at getting up early.

Despite now having been working two jobs for 2 weeks I still haven't received my first pay check which I'm trying not to become discouraged about. It amazes me how quickly money rushes out of your pocket when you're paying for your own gas, food, and other necessities.

On a different note I'm getting to go to Lubbock for the weekend! I'm so very excited to give Matthew a HUGE hug! I've really been missing him and it doesn't seem to get easier. So YAY for free airplane tickets and a day off on Monday!

:) Keep this working girl in your prayers!

Whole New World

Wow, who would have ever imagined me teaching a class?! I must say that it is interesting but difficult due to the fact that I am used to the minds of college students and professors. I am teaching an adult GED class on Monday and Wednesday for the next 4 to 5 weeks. Its really difficult because I keep finding myself expecting too much from my students and asking them to do things above their level. I then feel like a complete idiot trying to explain things that I just take for granted. I never really did realize how much my fantastic high school education and my higher education from Texas Tech meant to me until I found myself trying to explain to adults that are older than me what a fragment is...which by the way you can't do before you explain what a subject and verb are. (Found that one out the hard way)

I am starting to appreciate even my basic skills in Math, Science, Social Studies and Reading. I mean you hear about people who can't read or write but it doesn't fully hit you until you are faced with trying to teach them to read and write. Teaching here has made me determined to do research on learning styles and programs that will make it easier on my students. :)

A very nervous and unsure Ms. Kasey Asbill.

Life As I Know It.

My heart bleeds,
every beat hurting more than the last.

You held it in the palm of your hand,
dropping it at your feet.

Your eyes are so cold,
where have you gone?

You said you would always be there,
where are you now?

You said you would always love me,
only to find out that love has conditions.

I scream for you,
you don't turn around.

I need you,
you don't want me.

My heart bleeds,
every beat hurting more than the last.

Kasey

You.

Do I know you?
No, I do not know you.

Do I trust you?
No, I do not trust you.

Are you hurting me?
Yes, you are hurting me.

Are you being selfish?
Yes, you are being selfish.

Are you wanted?
Yes, you are wanted.

Can you be forgiven?
Yes, you can be forgiven.

Are you Loved?
Yes, you are desperately loved.

Love,
Kasey

The Flu.

Cough, Cough, gag, cough. Swallow pill, cough, cough. Drink cough syrup, cough, gag, retch. Sniffle, cough, sniffle, blow. Clear throat, cough, sniffle, blow. Lay down, cough, cough, choke. Run to bathroom, gag, gag, cough, heave. Rinse face, blow, blow, cry.

By Kasey Asbill

Descent into madness, or a slight bout of the flu

*Cough Cough Cough*, What in the name? Did I open an envelope with anthrax, perhaps zee Germans are back with the whole mustard gas thing, or is it the massive amount of smoking I did in my youth(Insert joke here, I've only had one cigar in my life, honest)? Oh no, nothing so fun and exciting as that, just the run of the mill sinus infection, or at least for me, Kasey has something much darker and more sinister or so I've been told. Coming of the tail of a momentous occasion, still not quite sure what it was memory kinda comes and goes, it did involve "when stars go blue", anyway right afterwards I lapsed into a semi-coma all Saturday while coming in and out of speeches on Ted.com (check it out!!!) and then Saturday night/Sunday morning I died............what you want more? I was DEAD, or at least very close, but Kasey nursed me back to health, and by nursed I mean told me to stop faking it; however despite her best efforts I survived and am now among the living once again. (Fully living not that creepy zombie state that Kasey is currently in) I would fill you in on Kasey's state, but I always get a kick out of her post so she can tell everyone the full story. Bye for now!

PS- Kasey takes great care of me when I'm sick and when she is sick I want to cry, just so everyone knows I'm a real softy and not some mean guy.

Our Engagement!

As I'm sure alot of you have already figured out, Matthew and I are finally engaged! Not that most of you couldn't already see this coming anyways.

We got engaged on Friday, April 3rd. And boy was it an interesting day. Friday turned out to be one hectic sort of day. I woke up at 8:30 thinking that I was going to miss my class at 9am. (I don't have a class at 9am on Friday) I was getting my morning confused with my Monday, Wednesday mornings in which I have piano at 9 am. The funny thing is that I knew I didn't have my piano class but for some reason I thought my 10 am class started at 9 am. So I rush out the camper and zoomed to campus.

My zooming was promptly crushed by a portly old fellow on a Police Motorcycle. Where upon, he asked me if there was an emergency? I replied no, but that I was trying to get to my class on time. He said, ok, and took my driver's license. Within 5 minutes I was pulling away with a ticket for $190 and a suggestion to take defensive driving. It didn't hit me until I pulled into the church parking lot that I was an entire hour early for my 10 o'clock class. (Did I feel stupid?...YES!)

Now most of you might not know it but Friday night was supposed to be a "Girls Night," with Jessica, Katie, Carolyn and me. I was under the impression that we were having out usual girls night out, dressing up, going to eat, and maybe bowling. But no...Matthew called Jessica because of course my phone doesn't work (go figure) and tells her he sprained his ankle again! We need to go pick him up and he is at memorial circle.

Kasey's Reaction: "WHAT?! I bet he was doing something stupid again like trying to kick a door closed! Geez, I'm really sorry guys that this is ruining our girls night.

So we get in the car in short dresses and heels and rush over to Memorial Circle on campus to rescue my somewhat "clumsy" boyfriend. Or so I thought...

Upon arriving at Memorial Circle I can somewhat see Matthew as we walk up the sidewalk and my first thing to say is "he sure doesn't look very hurt!" The closer we get I realize that he is all dressed up. It then starts dawning on me that "Oh my goodness he might propose!" When we finally get to the entrance of the circle Matthew cues Thomas who was crouching behind the wall and our first song to ever dance to came on, "When the Stars Go Blue."

Matthew and I are standing in the middle of the circle now, where he tells me he loves me, and proceeds to get down on his knee. I immediately start tearing up and can barely see him by the time he asks me to marry him, where upon I answer yes by nodding my head due to the fact that I could barely speak for fear of bawling. We then kissed and had lots of pictures taken!

It was a wonderful and magical night! My ring is beautiful thanks to my fiancee who knows me well and I can't wait until I can post my pictures up on here! I won't be able to until probably next week due to the fact that I have the flu right now and also that I'm heading to Winnsboro today.

I love you all and I just wanted to thank my girlfriends, Jess, Katie, and Caroyln for making that such a special night for me! Thomas thanks for helping Matthew out and being there for him, you truly are a wondeful friend to the both of us. You 4 are the best friends we could ever ask for!

Love,
Kasey

Reading, Writing, and Blogging?

Well, its nice to see that I have an adoring public. In case you haven't already figured it out, this is Matthew staging a Coup and taking control of the blog waves once more. Mwahahahaha. Just to let everyone in on my "high flying" lifestyle upon which I indulge, I am now a management major in the Rawls College of Business and I am still slated to graduate in May of 2010, so to all my listeners (or are they readers, yeah I think readers, but I digress) mark off that date! Just kidding if you don't want to come no skin off my back(man that is a heinous saying, skin off of back, that just weird,oops wandering again...). Anyway on a serious note, just to let everyone know this is by far my least favorite semester at Tech. I say this for multiple reasons, but mainly due to the fact that I jut can't seem to get in gear, none of my classes excite me and I am not a person who can sit through something I'm not interested in and do well, also I'm sure that there is a certain amount of trepidation in my impending lack of friends (mainly Kasey, Jess, and Robert) to keep my company(WAIT, whats that Kasey's leaving, OH NO the heavens have rend asunder and locust populate the land and up is down, down is up, dogs living harmony with cats, cats living in harmony with anyone.....what shall I do?...but I digress) however I still have Katie and Thomas, or as they shall henceforth be known as ThomKat (pronounced Tomcat) and my books. Speaking of books, and this might be why I never get anything done, I am currently reading...a lot, I don't want to bore anyone with my selections (I say this because Kasey rolls her eyes every time I read off a title) so if your curious just ask in the comment section. On a summery note, I will be here over the summer working and taking summer classes and the best part is two of them are history courses, including History of the Italian Mafia taught by my favorite professor. So that about wraps up my part of the blog, if you wish to know more just FB me or leave me a comment. Bye for now.

Oh and by the way I think that Kelly and Casey Bryan need a facebook account, just a thought...