The Love of My Life!

Ava Rose, the newest LOVE of my Life! :) (Don't worry Matthew there is enough room for the two of you! )

Time

Wow, sometimes I can't believe that I've been back in Winnsboro for 6 months...its seems like just yesterday I was scrambling around trying to finish my last month of my senior year at Tech in the span of 3 days. I'm sitting here at the moment trying to wrap my brain around the fact that in the matter of months my whole world from the way I perceive myself to the way I conduct myself have changed all because of one person's decisions. I'm finding myself having to reconstruct a confidence that I've always had from the ground up and having to deal with the insecurities that come with that loss of confidence. I feel awkward and strange sometimes like the whole foundation of my life has been swept away. Not to get this confused with my foundation of faith in God but the foundation of which all my dreams and aspirations mirrored.

Kasey

Trying not to worry.

I'm seriously trying to rein in my worry right now, I worry about work, future, school, jobs, money, wedding, retarded fathers and more. I just can't seem to stop. Sometimes I feel like this huge wave of stress and worry is just going to swallow me up. The stress of not knowing what is going on or how things will work after the wedding is probably a main point for me. I'm so used to planning things out, knowing what is going to happen, where I will be and I don't know ANY of that! How is one supposed to function?! Right now it almost seems impossible, I'm getting tired of telling myself just take one day at a time because I want to know a plan of action. Patience as you can tell is not one of my virtues.

Samson

As you all know I am a sucker for animals, and I find myself yet again caring for another sick/abandoned creature! This time however, I find myself nursing a 8 to 9 week old Corgi puppy, who we have now named Samson. Samson was found at Ronnie's on Saturday barely alive from some still unknown sickness (we should know by this afternoon). Ronnie couldn't get him to eat, drink or move so I asked him if I could take him home with me knowing that at least I could give him a nice, comfortable place to die. Unable to just simply let him starve to death while in my charge I started making up a sweet and very sticky concoction of milk and honey in which with my help Samson slurped up. He was so weak that I had to hold his head up for him with my fingers under his chin so that he could lick at the milk instead of drowned in it. Saturday and Sunday both continued much the same with him slowly trying to gain strength back. Sunday afternoon we had some what of a break through, the little guy began walking around the room and actively looking for his milk bowl.

This morning; however. found Samson toddling about the room howling and barking his protest at being left alone. He is now at the vet this morning and we are hoping to get a positive prognosis. If all goes well he will be looking for a nice home after he has gained some weight and confidence.

If anyone out there is interested in our little fluff ball please let me know! (I will post pictures of him this afternoon) Matthew and I are unable to keep him due to the fact that we already have two Corgis and can't take on anymore animals.

Hopefully Yours,
Kasey

Wool Soakers

Many of you might be wondering what these are...I know I was when Kelly first mentioned them to me. Basically they are knitted diaper covers made out of 100% wool that allows them to soak up anything the diaper might not catch without feeling wet! So cool right?!

So anyways I've set out to make some for my sister, my first attempt didn't turn out quite the way I figured it would, meaning I totally didn't think about the fact that once I washed the soaker it would shrink. So now I have this adorable soaker that is literally the perfect size a baby doll. So I've now started my second one and am following a free pattern off the internet! The new one is going to be two colors this time instead of one and should be big enough that once felted it should be the perfect size for a real baby this time!

Here is a picture of my first attempt:

Wish me luck on the next one!!!

Love,

Kasey

Fall Feelings

Fall always has a way of making me feel happy, the colors, the weather and the family gatherings that are right around the corner. It makes me want to get in the kitchen and cook, bake and make hot chocolate. It makes me want to snuggle up on the couch with a good book and a fuzzy Corgi foot warmer.

Pumpkins are starting to make their appearance, light coats and shawls adorn peoples' shoulders on the first cool days, and the first leaves are starting to fade to oranges, reds, yellows, and browns. What was once lush and green will soon turn the world into a rich, and warm colored place contrasting the cool in the air.

Fall, its the wonderful season of change.

Trying to Cope

5 months, more than that actually since I found out the hard truth that my dad has lost himself. Truly, in the sense that he doesn't know who, what, or why he is doing what he is doing. I mean lets be honest, we all know who, but what no one, not even himself can figure out is to what purpose he is doing this and why?! As I try to wrap my brain around all these questions that are bouncing around in my head I can't help but feel helpless. I have no power, no influence, and no say in what he does with his life and how he keeps crushing my family with his selfishness. Where is the end in all this pain? Does it go away, do we just continue to live our lives with this huge gaping whole he left in the middle of our family? Does time really heal something that should never have happened in the first place?

Every day, every hour, every minute, down to every second that he misses a little more of myself feels damaged, confused, and burning with, hate?, pain?, or loss? I honestly can't say, but my heart feels on fire, sometimes I feel like I'm going to burn from the inside out. There are times that even the blood running through my veins feels on fire and the confusion is almost crippling.

I see my family hurting, tears burning their cheeks and I feel helpless standing there knowing that there is nothing I can say or do to make the pain go away. I want so badly to make this go away for them, I want so badly to be able to change this.

I'm writing this not to hurt anyone or to worry them, I'm writing this to try to come to terms with what I'm feeling inside. I'm writing this because I can't do anything else. I'm writing this not as me giving up or not trusting in God but as an outlet for the pain and confusion I'm feeling right now.

Kasey